Deep breaths
Counting
Darkness
Overlapping voices
Screams
I feel the heat behind me
The clammy hands groping at me
Pulling me back
Insisting
Persisting
Bright lights
Singing
Warmth. Golden warmth
“SILENCE!”
His voice thunders in my head
“Death? Why? I was good I could swear by your name!”
I implore
My life lashes
Not in front of my eyes but on the large 87 inch TV installed to His right
Everyone watches
Everyone gasps
Everyone cries
The young innocent eyes
The fading laughter
The bright smile and brighter red cuts
The abuse
The sadness
The darkness creeping in
The madness
They see it all
The drugs and sex
The alcohol that drowns for the few hours till the next
The loss of hope
The loss of hope for salvation
The abandonment
They saw it all
The slap to her cheeks
Their blood on my fists
The smoke from the barrel of the .45
And the soulless carcass of the lady who stole my wallet during the cheap 15 minute orgasm
They saw it all
The depression
The lure
The noose
The doer
The jump
The loser
And now I’m back to where it began
The maker
They see it all
“Could you blame me?”
I ask Him
Tears run down my cheek
Deep breaths
Counting
Darkness
Overlapping voices
Screams
I feel the heat searing my clothes
My black death-row robes
The clammy hands groping at me
Pulling me back
Insisting
Persisting
“I guess it’s death for me,”
“NO!”
He thunders again,
“ETERNAL DEATH!”
I fade into oblivion
poems of my life 